I started out this post a gazillion different ways. It started off as a rant about a person who was being extremely vexing (you don’t support LGBT+ right if the couple on spotlight is looking pretty kissing. You don’t just say “Yeah, I do support gay, but they look ugly together.” That’s. Not. How. It. Works.) until I sort of calmed down and thought it through. And then something else, to what we finally have on paper. Because I really don’t know what I wanna talk out, but here we go.
Because for the first time, I’ve actually realized how much my hiding-in-my-room-caving-in have also made me accomplish. Yes, I can be extremely awkward at social gatherings and I know it. I suck at small talk.
But meeting you guys, has been so amazing. Apart from one person in the whole world, IRL, who I can feel like I can tell anyway, rave, fangirl, tell her about the deepest darkest pits of my heart. And I’m happy, because even though I’ve had lots of friends in my life? That’s all they were; just friends. And I never felt that I could actually, truly, trust them.
Let’s move on to the topic at hand; the vast void known to us as The Internet.
Because talking to internet friends, knowing that much about a person, – talking almost everyday – without the hope of ever seeing them in their actual live breathing gloriousness is weird business. Some of you are so similiar to me, we could be soulsisters. And that’s nice, because I’m among one of my own. People with their own lives who come and unite over their love for books, or because they love a particular TV show, and over what happened the other day (
or because they couldn’t go to Comic Con *sobs* I feel like I had to put that in.) over their writing or getting published or because a person they look up to declared they were a feminist or because anything and everything And that’s amazing.
But I digress. Moving onto the actual point.
I realized how much the internet has shaped me. And how much I will never regret this. At all. Because without it, I don’t know what kind of person I would be. I don’t know if I would be a feminist. I don’t know if I would have loved Emma Watson for her UN speech. I don’t know if I would have supported gay rights. Because books, reading, inhaling this fiction isn’t wasting my life. You can’t say that I’m gaining nothing and it’s a complete waste of time. Because it taught me to be so much more open. To be a freaking better person. Growing up in a close-minded society, I grew up with very different ideals. Of what society wants me to be. But if I’m completely honest?
I don’t want to be that.
Even a site like Tumblr? Changed my views on so. many. things. So I want this to be a tribute to the internet, to the writers who write these books, to a small Tumblr post which keeps ringing in my head the next day. Because it all counts. It all makes me a part of what, well, is me.
Because John Green was right when he said; “I’m in love with cities I’ve never been to, and people I’ve never met.”*** And it’s so, so, true, when I say that I care and they matter.
***Turns out, John Green isn’t completely responsible for writing this quote, and it was actually a girl on Tumblr (Tumblr is amazing) and John and unwittingly copied it without realizing it. Anywho, it’s all cool, because whatever says he’s made of it on posters etc etc part of the royalties are going to her too.
Yes, there are haters. Yes, there are ignorant people out there. Yes, there will always be people who make that comment and you don’t want it to hurt but it freaking hurts. People have their own opinion, and sometimes it’s not the same as yours. Other times, they can make you lose your faith in humanity for an instant.
But there are also amazing, amazing people,
Probably like a million other teenaged girls. Yay for cliché me.
Who, let’s face it, wouldn’t be me if it weren’t for books about depression and suicide, a post defending fat girls, respecting any girl who wishes to cover her head with a scarf**, that TED talk, that girl who gave a UN speech, that woman who is willing to stand up to haters and tell them that feminism isn’t feminazi; anything on the tip of your tongue, EVERYTHING. It all counts. Adds up.
**Though personally, living where I live, I do know that most girls are pressured by extremists, or family, or the shopkeeper on the street outside. I know, because I know these girls, and I talk to them almost everyday.
Who’s that one person, fictional or real, that you look up to? Aspire to be? And did the internet ever change your views on something? That book, any small which made you change one part of yourself? Because their are so many freaking fantastic people, out there, writing things, changing people. Us.
I don’t know.