Discussions / Personal

I fear what I would have been without Books and Internet


I started out this post a gazillion different ways. It started off as a rant about a person who was being extremely vexing (you don’t support LGBT+ right if the couple on spotlight is looking pretty kissing. You don’t just say “Yeah, I do support gay, but they look ugly together.” That’s. Not. How. It. Works.) until I sort of calmed down and thought it through. And then something else, to what we finally have on paper. Because I really don’t know what I wanna talk out, but here we go.

Because for the first time, I’ve actually realized how much my hiding-in-my-room-caving-in have also made me accomplish. Yes, I can be extremely awkward at social gatherings and I know it. I suck at small talk.

But meeting you guys, has been so amazing. Apart from one person in the whole world, IRL, who I can feel like I can tell anyway, rave, fangirl, tell her about the deepest darkest pits of my heart. And I’m happy, because even though I’ve had lots of friends in my life? That’s all they were; just friends. And I never felt that I could actually, truly, trust them.

Let’s move on to the topic at hand; the vast void known to us as The Internet.

Because talking to internet friends, knowing that much about a person, – talking almost everyday – without the hope of ever seeing them in their actual live breathing gloriousness is weird business. Some of you are so similiar to me, we could be soulsisters. And that’s nice, because I’m among one of my own. People with their own lives who come and unite over their love for books, or because they love a particular TV show, and over what happened the other day (or because they couldn’t go to Comic Con *sobs* I feel like I had to put that in.) over their writing or getting published or because a person they look up to declared they were a feminist or because anything and everything And that’s amazing.

But I digress. Moving onto the actual point.

I realized how much the internet has shaped me. And how much I will never regret this. At all. Because without it, I don’t know what kind of person I would be. I don’t know if I would be a feminist. I don’t know if I would have loved Emma Watson for her UN speech. I don’t know if I would have supported gay rights. Because books, reading, inhaling this fiction isn’t wasting my life. You can’t say that I’m gaining nothing and it’s a complete waste of time. Because it taught me to be so much more open. To be a freaking better person. Growing up in a close-minded society, I grew up with very different ideals. Of what society wants me to be. But if I’m completely honest?

I don’t want to be that.

Even a site like Tumblr? Changed my views on so. many. things. So I want this to be a tribute to the internet, to the writers who write these books, to a small Tumblr post which keeps ringing in my head the next day. Because it all counts. It all makes me a part of what, well, is me.

Because John Green was right when he said; “I’m in love with cities I’ve never been to, and people I’ve never met.”*** And it’s so, so, true, when I say that I care and they matter.

***Turns out, John Green isn’t completely responsible for writing this quote, and it was actually a girl on Tumblr (Tumblr is amazing) and John and unwittingly copied it without realizing it. Anywho, it’s all cool, because whatever says he’s made of it on posters etc etc part of the royalties are going to her too.

Yes, there are haters. Yes, there are ignorant people out there. Yes, there will always be people who make that comment and you don’t want it to hurt but it freaking hurts. People have their own opinion, and sometimes it’s not the same as yours. Other times, they can make you lose your faith in humanity for an instant.

But there are also amazing, amazing people,

Probably like a million other teenaged girls. Yay for cliché me.


Who, let’s face it, wouldn’t be me if it weren’t for books about depression and suicide, a post defending fat girls, respecting any girl who wishes to cover her head with a scarf**, that TED talk, that girl who gave a UN speech, that woman who is willing to stand up to haters and tell them that feminism isn’t feminazi; anything on the tip of your tongue, EVERYTHING. It all counts. Adds up.

**Though personally, living where I live, I do know that most girls are pressured by extremists, or family, or the shopkeeper on the street outside. I know, because I know these girls, and I talk to them almost everyday.

Who’s that one person, fictional or real, that you look up to? Aspire to be? And did the internet ever change your views on something? That book, any small which made you change one part of yourself? Because their are so many freaking fantastic people, out there, writing things, changing people. Us.

I don’t know.


34 thoughts on “I fear what I would have been without Books and Internet

  1. THIS WAS SO TRUE AND HONEST AND JUST BEAUTIFUL. We’re told “less screen time”, “stay off that site”, “you’re rotting your brain”. And that’s true, the internet can do that. But like you said, it can also shape who we are. I have met wonderful people such as yourself who make me smile and laugh, I have learned things I had no clue of before that are actually really important, and I see things that positively stick in my head all day. (same with books). The title also was spectacular- because it is true. I fear what I would have been as well. So yes, wonderful, beautiful post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It really depends on what we choose to do the internet. Yes, we might have wasted out time. But if we hadn’t sat there in the first place, a large part of what I believe in would have been…non existent?

      Thankyouu ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so true in so many ways. I have met some amazing people online and it has shaped me in more ways than one. From live journal to websites and fan listings (I’m showing my age here… haha) and then moving on to Facebook and blogs. I guess you can’t really go around it these days.


  3. What an incredible post Nirvana, and echoed by so many of us out there too. Back when I was a teen, the internet was just being introduced and apart from your circle of friends, that was about the extent of your network. There was ‘girl power’, but feminism wasn’t a word commonly used, and gay rights were really just a pipe dream. The internet can be blamed for so many social disorders nowadays, or aggravating them at least, bullies having access to victims being one. But I think the positives far outweigh the negatives when it comes down to it. It opens up a whole new world to those that have been sheltered from it. Different opinions, points of view and being able to connect with like minded people, whether it be a support group, making new friends, or fangirling over a shared love of books. It’s amazing how much we now have at our fingertips isn’t it. Wonderful post, absolutely loved it ❤


    • Cyber bullying, and so many problems have suddenly cropped up because few the internet, but really, humanity is going to find a way to warp even the best things they invent to less glorious causes. So yes, the Internet is more helpful that it isn’t. And thank you, this made my day :3


  4. Amazing post! Truly.
    I have to admit that internet hasnt shaped me much. Yes, I did meet some great poeple online with whom I can share my opinions about stuff. But they did not change me as ME in any important way.
    But books? That is different category. I have been reading books since I was 6 years old and never stopped. Books make me think, make reconsider stuff, make me ME. I canot imagine what I would be without books…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’d be horrified if I had nothing to read. And afraid at the kind of person I’d be without them, so I totally know how you feel. Thanks for commenting!


  5. I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID NIRVANA! Sure, school has taught me some important stuff, but the Internet has taught me so. much. more. I would probably be a different person as well. And of course there’s finding people who you can relate and talk with.
    I really, really love this post ❤


  6. Ughh that person who only supports LGBT rights if the couple is pretty ( ಠ益ಠ) Reminds me of how some guys support lesbians because they think it’s attractive but cringe if you mention gay men. SIGH. I agree with all your thoughts here, I have to thank the interent so much for helping me grow. I used to be a totally different person way back in grade 7 where I barely touched the internet. I was pretty close-minded, and unaware of basic things happening in the world. But all of that’s changed now. While I don’t trust Tumblr for accurate news, it helps that it brings my attention to certain things that I would probably never know of, that it encourages me to research topics and learn more 🙂 Same with books! Vocabulary isn’t the only thing I search up while reading.

    Oh and I’m a Muslim and speaking from my opinion of the worldwide Muslims I know and talk to, *most* of us aren’t pressurized into wearing headscarves anymore. It’s a choice now and many girls wear it out of a symbol of pride for their religion or for modesty’s sake because it makes them more comfortable. Some people are obsessed with the new hijabi fashion styles too haha so they do it for that reason as well 😉 I feel bad for the girls in your area who don’t have that choice (and I hope they find a way out of this pressure) but it’s not something that affects most of us now.


    • Tumblr can be wrong…most of the time. But there are a TON of people out there, who are amazing people, who’ll stand up for rights of minorities and bring to fact things I had no idea even freaking existed. So I get you on both points 🙂

      It’s not much of a problem here either. In the cities, major urban ones, we have the freedom of choice. But recently I had to visit a lot of rural areas, and the power to choose is not something that they have.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I totally back this. I learned so much about writing, books, social justice, just basically EVERYTHING from Tumblr and the rest of the blogosphere. I wouldn’t be the same person if I didn’t read blogs and blog myself, and the Internet has definitely made me a better person.


  8. Okay, first of all, I love this post. It’s beautiful, and I second every single thing you have mentioned above. I wouldn’t be the same person had it not been for the internet and all the amazing people I’ve met through it. I wouldn’t be so aware of the world, and I wouldn’t be the least bit open minded. Like everything the internet has its drawbacks, but its educational value is undeniable and more people need to be aware of it. It’s not just a ‘waste of time’.

    I also feel really bad for the girls where you live who are forced to wearing headscarves. I’m a muslim, I don’t wear the headscarf and I know for a fact that I wouldn’t like it if some people started pressurizing me to wear it. As Ju pointed out, this is actually not really a problem that MOST muslim girls face now as people are becoming more…open minded in a way and I hope the best comes to these girls’ ways.

    Because no one, muslim or not should be forced into something they don’t want and I can safely say that before I ventured into the world of interwebs, that fact wouldn’t really have occurred to me. I’d have gone “meh, it’s the way of the world”. But now I know that’s wrong. We can speak out in our own little ways, and it can make the biggest, best differences ever. (LGBT rights for example). WE ALL DESERVE TO WHAT MAKES US HAPPY.

    *AHEM* I just wrote a big essay and I have so much more to say because this is such a fan-fucking-tastic post but for the time being: YES! PREACH, NIRVANA. This is a wonderful post. (I’ve probably said it a thousand times). And I just… *hugs* ❤


    • Everything does have it’s drawbacks, but personally, blogging and surfing and Tumblr and studying and so much more, weighs it out. I’m fine with the headscarves, because they’re our culture, a part of a way of life for some people, but in rural areas, if you have to grow up not having that freedom, it’s something of a problem. Also, a LOT of the parts of the world have become more open, so it’s good to see that.

      yes, and YES. You completely summed that up. Because I’d have listened to what the people around me said, and I’m afraid at then what I’ve had supported. And don’t EVER worry about the essay. Long comments make my day, hun ❤ THANK YOU.


  9. This is such a beautiful post! I don’t actually know who I’d be without books or the internet. Books have always been a part of my life and they’ve taught me how to respect people, how to understand the thought processes of people who are experiencing events that I most likely never will face and how to deal with situations I may come across even though they’ve never happened to me. They’ve made me more empathetic, they’ve inspired me to be the best person I can be. And that’s why I love reading, I love how it opens my eyes and makes me aware of the world. Lovely post!

    I also want to say thank you for stopping by my blog – I’m so glad I’ve discovered yours! Your blog design is gorgeous and your name is awesome! I love the band Nirvana and I think it’s so cool that that’s also your name! x


    • Reading…is, I don’t know what to say. It’s just always /been there/ shaping us, CHANGING us, and really I don’t think there’s more to how beautiful it is than that ❤

      Hey, I love your blog! And thanks, I'm so glad you loved the theme :') I get the band question a lot, though XD


  10. I wonder if I’d have been different if the internt had existed when I was a teenager? It changed my adulthood in lots of ways, allowing me to travel and already have friends at my destination, and it led me to my husband. It makes it easier for us to find our “tribe” and that’s a good thing, but it also allows for outrage to spread out of control. Like everything else to do with the human condition its power lies in how it’s used.

    Thanks for this really thoughtful post.


    • We can find the people we ACTUALLY want to know, be friends with, some of whom end up being our soul sisters and with so much in common. That’s a really good point ^.^


  11. Wow, this is beautiful! I was a teenager at a very strange time- the internet was brand new (at least, communication via it was new), and we were just testing the waters. But it had some of the same effects- I could very easily (and without it costing money!) talk to someone who lived an hour away, a state away, a continent away. And that was something that people just a few years older than me had to do without growing up. I really can’t imagine NOT having the internet in high school and college- and I feel like there IS a divide in my mind- pre internet, and post. Post is absolutely superior. I found not-so-nice things on the internet, of course. But I also found a lot of incredible things too.

    In a sense, I feel like you are an awesome person and are open minded not because of the internet, but because of YOU. The internet just kind of gave you the tools, and you are the one who put them to use. So make sure you give yourself credit too, because the tools are vital, but so too are YOUR decisions, and it sounds to me like you are making all the right ones. Lovely post, thank you so much for sharing it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It must have been amazing, seeing such a big invention flourish right before your eyes. See exactly how much it starts shaping us. Hahah, thank god Post is superior. Yeah, the not-so-nice things WILL EXIST, but all in all, I love everything about it.

      Ooh, that’s a really good point. Because it depends the on person who wrote that mind-blowing article who changed your mind about something, and that /person/ deserves their due credit. Thanks for stopping by :’)


  12. I love this post! I often think about how different I would be if I weren’t a reader or if I hadn’t been born in the age of the internet. I also feel like (and this is entirely my subjective personal experience and obviously has many exceptions) people who read a lot are usually more tolerant and open-minded. Shannon is totally right when she says the internet only helps with these things if you’re open to it, but I know that it also made me aware of a lot of issues and facts about myself that might not have even thought about otherwise. Sexuality and gender issues, that one post about introversion, that one post about self-esteem… it all had a real impact on my personality and understanding of myself.


  13. Oh God. You morbid person. Where do you come up with such depressing scenarios? No BOOKS? NO INTERNET???? I have to agree though, the internet, as well as the books i read, have changed the way I think about a lot of things in the long run. So thoughtful. BUT DEPRESSING. What is this give me a fluffy romance review.


  14. What a wonderful post, Nirvana!!! So beautifully written 🙂 Honestly, I cannot imagine my life without books, my blog, or the internet. It’s just opened up this whole next path for me, and I am forever thankful for it. I honestly don’t think I would have felt so strongly about gay rights either! ALL HAIL BOOKS.


  15. Pingback: // reading, breathing, glasses thievery, artistic attempts // | Quenching the Quill

  16. You just rid me of all my internet procrastinating guilt, Nirvana. I would say that my family, more than the internet has shaped me, but this post is beautiful (and as someone who was in a Kashmir for the last few weeks and wearing a headscarf by choice to respect the religion of those around me *standing ovation*)


  17. reading and literature and the Internet has taught me so much!! We have so much knowledge just waiting for us at the tip of our fingers. We need only ask, or search, or find it on the Web! Books contain valuable lessons and you can learn facts (there is such a thing as nonfiction), and even reading fiction novels can change your views and make your knowledgable on certain subjects. I’d be lost without books and the Internet.


  18. ❤ ❤ ❤ Go Nirvana! Yeah! I agree! While I haven't been blogging for that long, I love the community. It's somewhere where we can be free from other pressures and be ourselves. I've met so many amazing people and learned plenty of new things. I agree, it rocks.


  19. AHHH. This post pretty much just made my entire week. I know for a fact that I would most certainly not be the same person without the beautiful people I’ve met on the Internet or between the pages of books – it’s something I’m thankful for every single day. I think I’d shudder to meet the person I might have been without these incredible things. And you’ve expressed that so wonderfully here. ❤


  20. I LOVE THIS POST. It’a so fantastic and so wonderfully written and so DARN TRUE! Without reading or the Internet or meeting other bloggers, GOSH, I have no idea where in the world I would be! *gulps* There are a ton of fictional beings I’m in love with and aspire to be like but they’re too many to count. Teehee


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